Manage Tantrums

How to Manage Tantrums (ages 2 to 4)

Tantrum is a kind of an emotional frustration; it isn't the decent side of your toddler. You may notice kicking, screaming, or pounding the floor. That’s mean that your toddler needs your attention. But don’t worry; it all normal and common, especially with 2- and 3-year-old. Take heart – they typically occur much less frequently by age 4.

First, we have to know that the most likely reason is that your 2- or 3-year-old is feeling overwhelmed emotionally. Children in this age are like adults when they face ups and down situations, however they don’t have the ability to understand and manage their feelings. They haven’t matured yet to handle their anger when feelings such frustration, fear, or rejection.  In other words, they haven’t built yet any experience to know how to control or cope with situations that they haven’t expected.

Many of us ask, what should I do when my beloved draw crazy. As parents, we fall perplexed between two ideas; teaching behaviour without pampering or spoiling our toddler, simultaneously, not being harsh or cruel. For that let me say that depending on how you respond, your child will learn. Over time, you can teach your child how to express feelings in appropriate ways. In the meanwhile, try these strategies:

·         Change your toddler’s attention:  In his full tantrum mode, offer him to do something he likes ("Would you like to draw or make dough?") this to let him concentrate in something different and get him out of what’s been overwhelmed.

·         Use soft and sooth language: Your amiable voice tone can help him calm down. Keep your words simple and let him know that you understand his feelings: "I see how upset you are. I'm here to help you calm down."  

·         Give some time to your child: At this time he needs to know you're here for him. The storm of emotion your child is feeling can be frightening to him; and may he need to feel secured and supported. Leaving the room can make him feel abandoned.

·         Offer physical comfort: Quietly go to your child, pick him up and hold him. Chances are he'll find your embrace comforting and will calm down more quickly.

·         Empathize: Teach your child coping skills by explaining how hard it is to feel negative emotions like disappointment, anger, or sadness. Try to tell the reasons and the consequences and be sure that he will understand you. You could say, "I know you're angry because you really wanted to go to the zoo, but it's too late to go. Here, let's play inside with this puzzle instead."

However, sometimes we may need to ignore tantrums. If your child is having a tantrum because she doesn't want to do what you've asked of her or you've said no to something, calmly acknowledge that you can see she's having a hard time and doesn't like what you said. Then continue to go about your business if possible.

For example, you might say, "I see you're mad that I said not to buy biscuits before lunch. It's hard to wait. They look so good and smell yummy. I'm looking forward to having one after lunch. Here, help me put the napkins on the table."

Of course, this is more possible to do at home than in public. Then you could leave and find a place to wait until he calm down.

Last but not least, be consistent, firm and kind about your instruction or the limit you set. Or, you're teaching your child that a tantrum is a way to get her demand.